The real UK citizenship test

It has come to the attention of the Shropshire chapter of the twitterverse that prospective UK citizens are being asked questions along the lines of "Where does the European Parliament meet?" and "How many MPs sit in the House of Commons?" These are clearly not testing their eligibility to become British Citizens. We should instead be asking the following:

1 Your next-door neighbours are holding a huge party and playing their music at intense volume at 3 in the morning. You cannot sleep. Do you:

a) Knock politely on the door, explain to them that their music is louder than they might imagine and ask them to turn it down

b) Break down the door, seize the host by the throat and make his/her options very simple and plain

c) Tut quietly and gaze morosely at the wall

2 You enter a public house and want to buy a round of drinks. Do you:

a) Find an empty table and wait to be served

b) Walk to the bar, click your fingers and loudly declaim "Beer and make it snappy"

c) Stand silently at the bar, briefly catching the eye of the barman

3 You are abroad and wish to locate the post office. You stop a passer by. Do you

a) Converse with them in their native tongue

b) Communicate with them by smiling nodding, waving your hands a lot and pointing

c) Speak English but loudly and aggressively

4) A huge proportion of your elected representatives have been found screwing the tax payer for every penny they can get. Do you.

a) Campaign for an early election

b) Take to the streets with your comrades demanding that the Government stand down immediately

c) Tut quietly and make a mental note not to bother voting

5) You live in England. On St Georges Day (the patron saint of England) do you

a) Represent his romantic and literary tradition by exchanging roses and books

b) Hold a massive impromtu street party in which you and your neighbours enact the slaying of the dragon to the amusement and edification of all

c) Make a nice cup of tea and stay in doors not bothering anyone

Results:

Mostly a's you might be better suited to a well-order Scandanvian society

Mostly b's perhaps somwhere warmer and more passionate might suit

Mostly c's consider yourself a citizen of the UK