Two Wheels South...

I will shortly be leaving the UK to visit family in Perth, Western Australia for three weeks. I have decided to use this blog to keep an account of my activities while I am there.

Because of my fondness for the Brompton bicycle I intended to take mine with me. I felt that this might make up for the disappointment of not being able to compete in the Brompton World Championship at Blenheim this year. Having taken part in last years event with my co-author of this blog, Ben I was gutted that I failed to register in time.

However having visited my friendly local bike shop to check out the B-Bag, I seriously doubted the claims on the Brompton website that this soft, padded bag could protect against the rigors of international travel. I have had luggage seriously knackered in the past by the baggage handling Uruk-Hai and was very reluctant to risk the health of my beloved little bike. The decider was the recent news that Brompton have listened to the feedback and are about to launch the B-Pod; a hard shell travel case for their bike.

So my plan now is to buy a bike when I get there in order to get about. I am hoping to find something a bit retro and Australian. I will keep this blog updated with my progress.

Feel the Burn !

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_east/4794753.stm

If you will pardon the pun I think that someone here is taking the piss. Although this certainly would give you a valid reaon to dismount so perhaps it is a very lateral approach to the translation of the concept rather than the words themselves?

Chains? We don't need no stinking chains!

For those who find the idea of a chain drive bicycle sooooooooo last Century. Here is the perfect alternative, guaranteed to turn heads and give you rock hard buns in the process no doubt. I find this a bit odd and personally would feel far too self conscious to actually chug around on it. Especially when I could achive the same results by walking around a bit and going upstairs.

The most impressive thing about this advert for me is not the slightly fadish fitness gadget itself but the number of times which the woman at the begining manages to say "Beautiful Canadian maplewood deck" without losing any of her enthusiasm.

The real UK citizenship test

It has come to the attention of the Shropshire chapter of the twitterverse that prospective UK citizens are being asked questions along the lines of "Where does the European Parliament meet?" and "How many MPs sit in the House of Commons?" These are clearly not testing their eligibility to become British Citizens. We should instead be asking the following:

1 Your next-door neighbours are holding a huge party and playing their music at intense volume at 3 in the morning. You cannot sleep. Do you:

a) Knock politely on the door, explain to them that their music is louder than they might imagine and ask them to turn it down

b) Break down the door, seize the host by the throat and make his/her options very simple and plain

c) Tut quietly and gaze morosely at the wall

2 You enter a public house and want to buy a round of drinks. Do you:

a) Find an empty table and wait to be served

b) Walk to the bar, click your fingers and loudly declaim "Beer and make it snappy"

c) Stand silently at the bar, briefly catching the eye of the barman

3 You are abroad and wish to locate the post office. You stop a passer by. Do you

a) Converse with them in their native tongue

b) Communicate with them by smiling nodding, waving your hands a lot and pointing

c) Speak English but loudly and aggressively

4) A huge proportion of your elected representatives have been found screwing the tax payer for every penny they can get. Do you.

a) Campaign for an early election

b) Take to the streets with your comrades demanding that the Government stand down immediately

c) Tut quietly and make a mental note not to bother voting

5) You live in England. On St Georges Day (the patron saint of England) do you

a) Represent his romantic and literary tradition by exchanging roses and books

b) Hold a massive impromtu street party in which you and your neighbours enact the slaying of the dragon to the amusement and edification of all

c) Make a nice cup of tea and stay in doors not bothering anyone

Results:

Mostly a's you might be better suited to a well-order Scandanvian society

Mostly b's perhaps somwhere warmer and more passionate might suit

Mostly c's consider yourself a citizen of the UK

Art of the Brompton

And to continiue in this vein; Is Pres Obama really a Jedi knight? Of course he is!

And continuing the balanced, impartial approach this blog has to Pres Obama

He's so cool